Comments on: Ways to distinguish yourself #158 – Avoid the dangerous trap: “Use and go” http://www.lifebeyondcode.com/2006/08/09/ways-to-distinguish-yourself-158-avoid-the-dangerous-trap-use-and-go/ Personal and professional development for technology professionals. Thu, 18 Mar 2010 05:17:44 +0000 http://wordpress.org/?v=2.9.2 hourly 1 By: Anonymous http://www.lifebeyondcode.com/2006/08/09/ways-to-distinguish-yourself-158-avoid-the-dangerous-trap-use-and-go/comment-page-1/#comment-950 Anonymous Sat, 12 Aug 2006 16:06:24 +0000 http://www.blog.lifebeyondcode.com/2006/08/09/ways-to-distinguish-yourself-158-avoid-the-dangerous-trap-use-and-go/#comment-950 Hi Nabil, I got a few emails stating almost the same thing. I think you are not alone. Have a great afternoon there. Cheers, Raj Hi Nabil,
I got a few emails stating almost the same thing. I think you are not alone. Have a great afternoon there.
Cheers,
Raj

]]> By: Anonymous http://www.lifebeyondcode.com/2006/08/09/ways-to-distinguish-yourself-158-avoid-the-dangerous-trap-use-and-go/comment-page-1/#comment-954 Anonymous Sat, 12 Aug 2006 16:05:12 +0000 http://www.blog.lifebeyondcode.com/2006/08/09/ways-to-distinguish-yourself-158-avoid-the-dangerous-trap-use-and-go/#comment-954 Hi Aditya, I think the difference is mostly in the semantics. I agree that "Use and forget" is equally bad. Cheers, Raj Hi Aditya,
I think the difference is mostly in the semantics. I agree that “Use and forget” is equally bad.
Cheers,
Raj

]]> By: Anonymous http://www.lifebeyondcode.com/2006/08/09/ways-to-distinguish-yourself-158-avoid-the-dangerous-trap-use-and-go/comment-page-1/#comment-952 Anonymous Sat, 12 Aug 2006 16:01:51 +0000 http://www.blog.lifebeyondcode.com/2006/08/09/ways-to-distinguish-yourself-158-avoid-the-dangerous-trap-use-and-go/#comment-952 Vin, Thank you for your comment. That was a great question. I am about to complete an article (or post) related to this. Give me a few days. More soon. Best, Raj Vin,
Thank you for your comment. That was a great question. I am about to complete an article (or post) related to this. Give me a few days.
More soon.
Best,
Raj

]]> By: Anonymous http://www.lifebeyondcode.com/2006/08/09/ways-to-distinguish-yourself-158-avoid-the-dangerous-trap-use-and-go/comment-page-1/#comment-955 Anonymous Thu, 10 Aug 2006 10:58:34 +0000 http://www.blog.lifebeyondcode.com/2006/08/09/ways-to-distinguish-yourself-158-avoid-the-dangerous-trap-use-and-go/#comment-955 I guess the only thing that we need to do is always be available to help others. Sometimes you may not be the right person for advice, In those situations you need to point the seeker to the right person. This the maximum that you can do since you can't control the thoughts and actions of others but only influenze them. I guess the only thing that we need to do is always be available to help others. Sometimes you may not be the right person for advice, In those situations you need to point the seeker to the right person. This the maximum that you can do since you can’t control the thoughts and actions of others but only influenze them.

]]> By: Anonymous http://www.lifebeyondcode.com/2006/08/09/ways-to-distinguish-yourself-158-avoid-the-dangerous-trap-use-and-go/comment-page-1/#comment-953 Anonymous Wed, 09 Aug 2006 19:49:25 +0000 http://www.blog.lifebeyondcode.com/2006/08/09/ways-to-distinguish-yourself-158-avoid-the-dangerous-trap-use-and-go/#comment-953 Well said Rajesh! But I think there are different phases in life and each in phase you interact with different set of people. Once you complete one phase, you move on and proceed to next phase. Now it can be really time consuming to stay in touch with all those people who helped you in some ways in your previous phases. When you are facing challenges of new phase, you are more likely to invest your energy into building new relations, getting right help from the right people at the right time. My say would be, even though if you are not able to stay in touch with people who helped you for quite long time, it can be OK if you are still respecting and having high regard for those people who helped you. As long as you are giving credit to those people, you are OK. Ofcousre, if you are able to stay in touch, then that will be the GREAT. I think there is a WORSER situation than what you mentioned in your blog. I think "use and go" is not as dangerous as "use and forget" attitude. If you try to satisfy expectations of other people by trying to stay in touch with them, then you may also start expecting from other people whom you helped. It would be great if we can just remove this "expectation meeting" attribute. Instead if we just follow "mutual understanding" attribute, then that will help to keep the relations more healthy. In mutual understanding, both parties know that other parties can be very busy in their own world. And if there is no interaction amongst both parties for long time after they exchanged the help, then one can console onself saying that other party is busy. But this person is also sure about the fact that when next time he/she will meet that other person, that person is going to remember him/her and will be grateful to him/her if this person has helped the other person. So again, "use and go" is not as dangerous as "use and forget" attitude! And we should try to avoid that trap. What says? Well said Rajesh!
But I think there are different phases in life and each in phase you interact with different set of people. Once you complete one phase, you move on and proceed to next phase. Now it can be really time consuming to stay in touch with all those people who helped you in some ways in your previous phases. When you are facing challenges of new phase, you are more likely to invest your energy into building new relations, getting right help from the right people at the right time.
My say would be, even though if you are not able to stay in touch with people who helped you for quite long time, it can be OK if you are still respecting and having high regard for those people who helped you. As long as you are giving credit to those people, you are OK. Ofcousre, if you are able to stay in touch, then that will be the GREAT. I think there is a WORSER situation than what you mentioned in your blog.
I think “use and go” is not as dangerous as “use and forget” attitude.
If you try to satisfy expectations of other people by trying to stay in touch with them, then you may also start expecting from other people whom you helped. It would be great if we can just remove this “expectation meeting” attribute. Instead if we just follow “mutual understanding” attribute, then that will help to keep the relations more healthy.
In mutual understanding, both parties know that other parties can be very busy in their own world. And if there is no interaction amongst both parties for long time after they exchanged the help, then one can console onself saying that other party is busy. But this person is also sure about the fact that when next time he/she will meet that other person, that person is going to remember him/her and will be grateful to him/her if this person has helped the other person.
So again, “use and go” is not as dangerous as “use and forget” attitude! And we should try to avoid that trap.
What says?

]]> By: Anonymous http://www.lifebeyondcode.com/2006/08/09/ways-to-distinguish-yourself-158-avoid-the-dangerous-trap-use-and-go/comment-page-1/#comment-951 Anonymous Wed, 09 Aug 2006 14:16:27 +0000 http://www.blog.lifebeyondcode.com/2006/08/09/ways-to-distinguish-yourself-158-avoid-the-dangerous-trap-use-and-go/#comment-951 Over the years I've realised how important it is to avoid the 'use and go' trap. But what was difficult for me is to find out easier ways of doing it. I mean how do I make sure the other person feels that he/she is not being 'used' for my cause. Being in constant touch and helping them for their cause are two ways to think about it. But what if the other person is uninitiated to accept help? or interact and build a network? Inspite of he/she had once offered 'help/suggestions' to me. I guess it all comes by experience. Any thoughts Rajesh? Over the years I’ve realised how important it is to avoid the ‘use and go’ trap. But what was difficult for me is to find out easier ways of doing it. I mean how do I make sure the other person feels that he/she is not being ‘used’ for my cause. Being in constant touch and helping them for their cause are two ways to think about it. But what if the other person is uninitiated to accept help? or interact and build a network? Inspite of he/she had once offered ‘help/suggestions’ to me.
I guess it all comes by experience.
Any thoughts Rajesh?

]]> By: Anonymous http://www.lifebeyondcode.com/2006/08/09/ways-to-distinguish-yourself-158-avoid-the-dangerous-trap-use-and-go/comment-page-1/#comment-949 Anonymous Wed, 09 Aug 2006 13:52:09 +0000 http://www.blog.lifebeyondcode.com/2006/08/09/ways-to-distinguish-yourself-158-avoid-the-dangerous-trap-use-and-go/#comment-949 Great post Rajesh! I should send this article to my former friend (if i can find how to join him). Great post Rajesh!
I should send this article to my former friend (if i can find how to join him).

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