Archive for 'Distinguish yourself'
By Rajesh Setty on Fri 03 Nov 2006, 9:21 PM - 1 Comment
Being present and being in the present are both very important. However, there are times when you are better off being absent or in other words, you will create more harm by being present. I will give you a few scenarios and you can add your own to the list:
1. When someone wants to be alone:
There are cases when someone really wants to be alone and spend time with himself or herself.
2. When someone wants to be with their family:
Unfortunately, family is an institution under constant threat because we are “always connected.” When someone wants to finally break away and get to spend some quality time with their family, it is better that you are absent physically and through the internet.
3. When someone wants to get an objective feedback about you:
If you are present, it no longer will be objective (most of the time) as people want to be “nice” to you. Sometimes you’d rather want people to be honest and not nice. By you being not there, people who want to get critical feedback about you can get their job done more easily.
4. When you are “truly” not invited:
Sounds too obvious but that does not negate the validity of the scenario.
5. When you want sometime to be alone:
Sometimes it may be that you want to be alone to recharge your batteries or reflect on something. So please be alone and be absent from other places. That way you won’t annoy other people.
Of course, I am sure you will have your own scenarios to add to this list.
Good luck and have a great weekend.
_____________________________________________________
Note 1: Here is a Squidoo lens that links to most of the previous articles in this series:
Squidoo: Distinguish Yourself
Note 2: The first 25 entries in the series have been packaged in a ChangeThis manifesto that was published on September 07, 2005. You can download that manifesto here:
ChangeThis Manifesto: 25 Ways to Distinguish Yourself (PDF, Free)
Note 3: My latest manifesto on ChangeThis was published on August 6, 2008. This is a photographic manifesto featuring 15 of my mini sagas (stories in exactly 50 words). Here is the link:
ChangeThis Manifesto: Mini Sagas – Bite Sized Lessons for Life and Business (PDF, Free)
Posted under Distinguish yourself, Main Page.
By Rajesh Setty on Sat 21 Oct 2006, 7:16 PM - Leave Comment
No, I am not talking about what you say.
I want to focus on what you communicate – sometimes
a) with your words or
b) with how you say those words or
c) with your body language or
d) with what you choose not to talk about
Everything counts. Here are a few examples:
Example 1: A pause
A pause can make a big difference. In fact, it can change the meaning of what you say. Here are two versions of the same sentence with a pause at different places. Look at how the sentence has changed its meaning completely in version 2.
Version 1:
The boss said <pause> his employee was furious
Version 2:
The boss <pause> said his employee <pause> was furious
Example 2: Body language
Try saying “I really love you” to someone with a frown. Does it even make sense to do that?
Example 3: Intonation
Intonation in simple terms is what you stress on when you speak. It can, again, make a sea change in the meaning of what you say. Here is a something from a classic book on presentation skills “Lend Me Your Ears” by Max Atkinson.
Note: Bold and Italicized words are the ones that are stressed.
What you said: I didn’t say you stole my red hat.
What is implied: But someone else might have said it.
What was said: I didn’t say you stole my red hat.
What was implied: I deny that I said it.
What was said: I didn’t say you stole my red hat.
What was implied:I may have thought or implied it.
What was said: I didn’t say you stole my red hat.
What was implied: I said someone else stole it.
What was said: I didn’t say you stole my red hat.
What was implied: I said you did something else with it.
What was said: I didn’t say you stole my red hat.
What was implied: I said you stole someone else’s red hat.
What was said: I didn’t say you stole my red hat.
What was implied: I said you stole my green hat.
What was said: I didn’t say you stole my red hat.
What was implied: I said you stole my red scarf.
Think about scenarios in your own lives when something more than words was very important. It will be a different world out there once you start taking responsibility for what you said overall (with and without the use of words)
Have a great week ahead!
_____________________________________________________
Note 1: Here is a Squidoo lens that links to most of the previous articles in this series:
Squidoo: Distinguish Yourself
Note 2: The first 25 entries in the series have been packaged in a ChangeThis manifesto that was published on September 07, 2005. You can download that manifesto here:
ChangeThis Manifesto: 25 Ways to Distinguish Yourself (PDF, Free)
Note 3: My latest manifesto on ChangeThis was published on August 6, 2008. This is a photographic manifesto featuring 15 of my mini sagas (stories in exactly 50 words). Here is the link:
ChangeThis Manifesto: Mini Sagas – Bite Sized Lessons for Life and Business (PDF, Free)
Posted under Distinguish yourself, Main Page.
By Rajesh Setty on Thu 12 Oct 2006, 10:29 PM - 1 Comment
Of course all of us are thoughtful. Are we really? It seems like common sense but it’s not.
They say that we are either thinking about what happened in the past or worrying about what will happen in the future. So where do we have the time to be “thoughtful” in the present? Let’s do a quick check – how thoughtful were you today? Whatever be your answer if I ask all the people that interacted with you about your thoughtfulness, would they concur with your conclusion?
Wanting to be thoughtful is easy but actually practicing it is hard. It requires an extra effort to think from the other person’s viewpoint. Here are a few thoughtful scenarios
1. For the sake of experience
Last weekend we were at Lego Land. We ate at a restaurant inside. The waiter came with the check. As you can see the check holder was completely made of lego pieces. These people had used every single opportunity to demonstrate what all we could do with Legos. It was fascinating.
2. For the sake of courtesy and consideration
This happens almost on a daily basis from simple things like holding the door for someone behind you.
It
can be for very complex things. I remember (and it has happened only
once so far) a waiter who was extremely thoughtful. I had gone for a
business lunch and was looking forward to having a conversation with my
contact. The waiter as you can see soon was very smart and thoughtful.
After the pleasantries, he said “Gentlemen, I want to ensure that you
enjoy the meal as well as the conversation. I tend to come and check in
on you from time to time to ensure that I am taking care of you. But
sometimes it can be a nuisance. Please let me know how you want to me
to check in on you so that you have a pleasant experience without being
intrusive”
That for me was an epitome of thoughtfulness.
3. For the sake of convenience
I fly out of San Jose airport most of the time. I also visit the airport more times eith
er to drop off someone or to pick up someone else. Yesterday I was there to spend a few (more) minutes with Tim. Obviously time was of essence and I wanted to find a parking spot quickly. Earlier, it would have taken me a lot of time to find a spot. However, I was pleasantly surprised about a few reserved spots marked as “One Hour Parking Only” and they were right next to the door. It is a definite help for people who are on the run. Simple and thoughtful solution again!
I am sure you have your own scenarios. Have a thoughtful Friday!
Note 1: Here is a Squidoo lens that links to most of the previous articles in this series:
Squidoo: Distinguish Yourself
Note 2: The first 25 entries in the series have been packaged in a ChangeThis manifesto that was published on September 07, 2005. You can download that manifesto here:
ChangeThis Manifesto: 25 Ways to Distinguish Yourself (PDF, Free)
Note 3: My latest manifesto on ChangeThis was published on August 6, 2008. This is a photographic manifesto featuring 15 of my mini sagas (stories in exactly 50 words). Here is the link:
ChangeThis Manifesto: Mini Sagas – Bite Sized Lessons for Life and Business (PDF, Free)
Posted under Distinguish yourself, Main Page.
By Rajesh Setty on Mon 02 Oct 2006, 1:06 PM - 1 Comment
“It’s not what you think…it’s what you say”
- Susan Scott (from Fierce Conversations)
Think about some of your recent “difficult” conversations with people. When the other person made an inappropriate comment, Was it a reaction or a response?
Whenever the other person was unreasonable, chances were that the person was reacting rather than responding. It may not be surprising to you when I say that YOU also have played a part in making the other person react rather than respond. It is a very subtle difference. It might also be that your reaction (rather than a response) caused another reaction from that person. Someone has to break this loop leading to a downward spiral that both parties will later regret.
Since you have only one person that you can truly control – YOU, may be you should take the larger responsibility of ensuring that you say things in a manner that will elicit a response rather than a reaction. Here are some examples:
Instead of saying: You
NEVER return my phone calls on time.
How about:
You seem to be extremely busy as I don’t hear back from you quickly.
Instead of saying: You ALWAYS mess up things
How about: You didn’t pay attention to this job. Where you pre-occupied with something else or were my instructions not clear?
Instead of saying: I don’t think you will EVER get what I am saying
How about: Let’s see why this is hard to understand. May be I am not saying it the right way.
I am sure you are smart and if you stop and think you will come up with your own examples. It is definitely not the knowledge that is the problem. It is in the execution. Think about how you will behave next time when you are having that DIFFICULT conversation. What could you do to ensure that
a) you respond and not react
b) you don’t say something that will make the other person react
Have a great week ahead!
Note 1: Here is a Squidoo lens that links to most of the previous articles in this series:
Squidoo: Distinguish Yourself
Note 2: The first 25 entries in the series have been packaged in a ChangeThis manifesto that was published on September 07, 2005. You can download that manifesto here:
ChangeThis Manifesto: 25 Ways to Distinguish Yourself (PDF, Free)
Note 3: My latest manifesto on ChangeThis was published on August 6, 2008. This is a photographic manifesto featuring 15 of my mini sagas (stories in exactly 50 words). Here is the link:
ChangeThis Manifesto: Mini Sagas – Bite Sized Lessons for Life and Business (PDF, Free)
Posted under Distinguish yourself, Main Page.
By Rajesh Setty on Sun 01 Oct 2006, 5:49 PM - Leave Comment
It happens sometimes – people push you to a corner and make you do crazy things. Actually, when you are pushed to a corner and there is no way out, isn’t it logical to fight with all your might to survive?
If it can happen to you – it can happen to others too. It can happen by design or it can happen spontaneously. You may have to take a harsh stand against someone and you may have to do it in front of a group. If you get carried away, you may push that person to a corner and keep him there until he fights for his life. And he will. Without worrying about anyone else. He may regret for his actions later but the damage would have been done.
What could you do? The simple solution is to leave a door open at the corner. Allow the person to save his face and he will thank you for that – not now but sometime later.
Think about it. First, by pushing him to the corner you have made your point and if he is smart he is already got it. The additional mileage you will gain by keeping him in the corner is minimal. Leaving a door open in the corner will sort of end the “checkmate” between the two of you and the game is completed with a notional win.
When I talk about this concept, there is always one or two out there who contradict saying “Raj, the best thing to do is to avoid pushing someone to the corner so hard.” and I say “That is right.” I really do mean it. In fact, there are so many ideal things that I don’t have the time to record them. Life is not ideal and things won’t happen by the rule book. For those of you who may be thinking in those “ideal” scenarios, consider this an exception. Think about it this way. You may never push anyone into a corner in your life (I doubt it but let’s play the game anyway) but you can’t guarantee that for everyone that you know. It may so happen that someone is being pushed to a corner in a group and you are a silent witness. Here is your chance to open a door for the person who is looking for help.
Have a great week ahead!
Note 1: Here is a Squidoo lens that links to most of the previous articles in this series:
Squidoo: Distinguish Yourself
Note 2: The first 25 entries in the series have been packaged in a ChangeThis manifesto that was published on September 07, 2005. You can download that manifesto here:
ChangeThis Manifesto: 25 Ways to Distinguish Yourself (PDF, Free)
Note 3: My latest manifesto on ChangeThis was published on August 6, 2008. This is a photographic manifesto featuring 15 of my mini sagas (stories in exactly 50 words). Here is the link:
ChangeThis Manifesto: Mini Sagas – Bite Sized Lessons for Life and Business (PDF, Free)
Posted under Distinguish yourself, Main Page.
By Rajesh Setty on Mon 25 Sep 2006, 10:29 AM - 3 Comments
While it would be good to fantasize about this, it would be impossible to get all our decisions based on pure logic. We are human beings and many of our decisions are emotional.
In fact,
* Many of our decisions in the past have been emotional.
* Many of our decisions right now are emotional.
* Many of our decisions in the future are going to be emotional
I am not trying to judge whether this is right or wrong. My point is to raise the awareness of this so that when you know you are making an emotional decision you acknowledge that.
For example, for many people buying their first home is an emotional decision. However, since they are not aware of it, they spend endless number of hours trying to rationalize and come to the same conclusion (buy or not buy) as before. If their earlier conclusion was to “buy” then of course, all the research data they collect it will point to a “buy” recommendation. They very nicely avoid giving a lot of importance to the contrarian reports. The other way (“not buy”) works the same way too.
Our professional life is no different. It is common to make an emotional decision and look for rational justification so that yuo are prepared to explain it away. This is OK as long as you know that this is what you are doing. When you don’t acknowledge it, you might start trying to find logic when there is none.
Here are some basic issues when you try to rationalize an emotional decision:
1. It is hard work and the return on investment for this effort is not much.
2. It is emotionally draining and as you have to make up something (logic) from almost nothing
3. It works only with mediocre people as smart people on the other end can figure out that you are making up things.
4. This may be a stretch but I feel that engaging in these kinds of activities imposes an opportunity cost on us as for the simple reason that they take away our valuable time (that time could have been used for something more productive)
Note 1: Here is a Squidoo lens that links to most of the previous articles in this series:
Squidoo: Distinguish Yourself
Note 2: The first 25 entries in the series have been packaged in a ChangeThis manifesto that was published on September 07, 2005. You can download that manifesto here:
ChangeThis Manifesto: 25 Ways to Distinguish Yourself (PDF, Free)
Note 3: My latest manifesto on ChangeThis was published on August 6, 2008. This is a photographic manifesto featuring 15 of my mini sagas (stories in exactly 50 words). Here is the link:
ChangeThis Manifesto: Mini Sagas – Bite Sized Lessons for Life and Business (PDF, Free)
Posted under Distinguish yourself, Main Page.
By Rajesh Setty on Sun 24 Sep 2006, 9:10 AM - 1 Comment
“Every second in life is an Innovation, because it has never existed before..”
Life is unfolding at every moment and it is new at every moment. There is change at every instant. We have to change to this new world every minute. But wait – we are generally resistant to change 
I don’t agree with the fact that we are generally not comfortable with change. In fact, we are very comfortable with change. Otherwise, imagine the amount of changes that have happened to us from the time we were born to till date -
* we talked for the first time once
* we learned to crawl for the first time once
* we learned to walk for the first time once
* we learned to read for the first time once
* we learned to write for the first time once
* we learned to love for the first time once
I can go on but you get the point. Do you still think that we are never comfortable with change?
It is only certain kinds of change that we are not comfortable with and that feeling increases as we get older. Typically the change where you dont’ want to pay the price that you are required to pay.
Recently, I was having to negotiate with a few people and it was hard. I think they were unreasonable and lacked maturity. I was confiding this with my mentor about this incident looking for some insights on how to handle this. My mentor, of course, did not answer. He asked me a question instead – “Raj, do you have the maturity to handle people when they demonstrate no maturity?” That sealed it for me. It is so easy to want to “Fix Them” rather than “Fix Me.”
Think about it:
“Fixing Them” is low cost (for me)
“Fixing Me” is high cost (for me)
Wanting to “Fix Them” makes me irresponsible. The problem is with them.
Wanting to “Fix Me” will leave me with no excuses. I have to work hard to make changes.
Wanting to “Fix Them” means I can feel victimized and get a ticket to inaction.
Wanting to “Fix Me” means I have to take charge and DO something.
What do you think is easier to do – Wanting to “Fix Them.”
What is really easier to do – “Fixing yourself” because you are the only person that you have full control on.
Here is my point. Watch your “Fix Them” to “Fix Me” ratio. The number of times that thought of “Fixing Them” crosses your mind compared to the thought of “Fixing Yourself.” Do you think it is healthy and it will take you where you want to go? Or, do you want to make a change for the better?
Note 1: Here is a Squidoo lens that links to most of the previous articles in this series:
Squidoo: Distinguish Yourself
Note 2: The first 25 entries in the series have been packaged in a ChangeThis manifesto that was published on September 07, 2005. You can download that manifesto here:
ChangeThis Manifesto: 25 Ways to Distinguish Yourself (PDF, Free)
Note 3: My latest manifesto on ChangeThis was published on August 6, 2008. This is a photographic manifesto featuring 15 of my mini sagas (stories in exactly 50 words). Here is the link:
ChangeThis Manifesto: Mini Sagas – Bite Sized Lessons for Life and Business (PDF, Free)
Posted under Distinguish yourself, Main Page.
By Rajesh Setty on Tue 05 Sep 2006, 3:13 AM - 1 Comment
Typically people don’t want anyone to anyone else to make choices for them. They want to CHOOSE.
Typically, people don’t want someone else to sell to them. They want to BUY.
Imagine a simple scenario where you are meeting with a professional service provider for some advice. The professional listens to you keenly and understands your situation. He then responds. Let us consider two cases:
Case 1: Bulls Eye
The professional thinks that he has hit the bulls eye. He says that he has found the perfect solution for your problem and offers to go through the same in detail. In the end, he also warns that choosing any other option would be stupid.
Case 2: Carpet bombing with options
The professional is very creative and thinks that your problem can be solved in at least ten different ways. He offers to go over them in detail. He says that once he explains all the various approaches it would be a breeze for you to make a decision.
Unfortunately, you are not happy with both the options above. In the first case, the professional did not give you any choice (he was CHOOSING for you) and in the second case, the laundry list of solutions only confused you more.
The ideal case would have been one where the professional provided two personalized options (at the most three) or solutions and explained to you the ramifications (pros and cons) of choosing either one of them.
Now, remember the number of times you were on the opposite side of the table. When you were that professional to whom other people came to ask for help or advice. How did you respond? Did you provide them THE solution or carpet bombed them with a dozen options to choose from?
The winning formula, typically, is to provide options but not too many of them.
Good luck!
_____________________________________________________
Note 1: Here is a Squidoo lens that links to most of the previous articles in this series:
Squidoo: Distinguish Yourself
Note 2: The first 25 entries in the series have been packaged in a ChangeThis manifesto that was published on September 07, 2005. You can download that manifesto here:
ChangeThis Manifesto: 25 Ways to Distinguish Yourself (PDF, Free)
Note 3: My latest manifesto on ChangeThis was published on August 6, 2008. This is a photographic manifesto featuring 15 of my mini sagas (stories in exactly 50 words). Here is the link:
ChangeThis Manifesto: Mini Sagas – Bite Sized Lessons for Life and Business (PDF, Free)
Posted under Distinguish yourself, Main Page.
By Rajesh Setty on Tue 22 Aug 2006, 2:47 PM - 5 Comments
For those of you living at New Delhi or close to New Delhi, I want to invite you to attend the “Beyond Code” release event on Aug 31, 2006 at 5pm. Here are the details:
Date: Aug 31, 2006
Time: 5pm
Location: Oxford Bookstore, Statesman House, Connaught Place, 148 Barakhamba Road, New Delhi – 11001
Topic of my talk: “Distinguish yourself” plus Q & A, of course!
Here is the link to the invitation. Please RSVP (details are in the invitation)
Link: Beyond Code release event invitation
Look forward to meeting you there!
Posted under Announcement, Distinguish yourself, Main Page.
By Rajesh Setty on Sat 19 Aug 2006, 5:32 PM - 4 Comments
Early part of my career, I lived in India, Singapore, Malaysia and Hong Kong. I had heard of Niagara Falls and seen it in movies but never had a chance to see it until about seven years ago. I knew what to expect – something spectacular. Friends who had visited Niagara had told me that it was an out of the world experience. There were some of them who had been there about once a year for the last five years or so and they were planning to go there again next year. So the expectation from Niagara was very high. When I went there though – what I experienced was more than spectacular. It exceeded the “already high” expectation that was set in my mind. There was that magic and wonder that you can’t really explain in words. I knew I would be amazed but I could never imagine the level of amazement. It was way beyond my wildest imagination.
With that as the background, let us imagine that one of your friends (let’s call him John) is talking “something” VERY positive about you to his friend (let’s call him Chris.) Chris is now intrigued and he wants to meet with you. Remember that, right now Chris has a high expectation about that “positive thing” that John told him about you. John arranges a meeting between you and Chris. So here comes the day of the meeting. Chris comes in with a high expectation and as he starts talking to you about that subject, he is blown away by your brilliance on that particular topic (whatever it is.) In other words, he just experienced your “Niagara Factor”
Niagara factor is your something that is hard for people to explain or describe in its full intensity. They can tell nice things about it but they still can’t do full justice to what you bring forth. It is something that will amaze people that you know for a long time.
Sadly, many people don’t know what their “Niagara Factor” is. For these people, their success is their enemy. They are already successful without taking full advantage of their “Niagara Factor” so they may not even know that they have a problem. People who come in contact with them see that there is something “special” but it is too obvious for them to mention.
In the next few days, think whether you have been ignorant of your “Niagara Factor.” If you are, it is not too late to fix it. By being conscious of this, you can channelize some of your energies to make it even better.
Good luck!
Note 1: Here is a Squidoo lens that links to most of the previous articles in this series:
Squidoo: Distinguish Yourself
Note 2: The first 25 entries in the series have been packaged in a ChangeThis manifesto that was published on September 07, 2005. You can download that manifesto here:
ChangeThis Manifesto: 25 Ways to Distinguish Yourself (PDF, Free)
Note 3: My latest manifesto on ChangeThis was published on August 6, 2008. This is a photographic manifesto featuring 15 of my mini sagas (stories in exactly 50 words). Here is the link:
ChangeThis Manifesto: Mini Sagas – Bite Sized Lessons for Life and Business (PDF, Free)
Posted under Distinguish yourself, Main Page.
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