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Distinguish yourself – Squidoo lens updated

By Rajesh Setty on Fri 18 Aug 2006, 7:20 AM - Leave Comment

Finally, I had a chance to get the Squidoo lens on “Distinguish Yourself” up to date. For those of you who sent me emails alerting that it was out of date, thank you. Here is the link:

Squidoo Lens: Distinguish yourself!

There are 160 of them so far. There is also a guestbook over there at the end. Any comments or feedback is appreciated.

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25 Ways to Distinguish Yourself in Spanish – Translated by Carlos Padilla

By Rajesh Setty on Tue 15 Aug 2006, 8:08 PM - 1 Comment

Carlos Padilla has an abridged version of “25 Ways to Distinguish Yourself” in Spanish. I only know about 80 words in Spanish (whatever my son Sumukh says at home) so I don’t understand what Carlos has written. Those who know Spanish may want to check it out. Here is the link:

Link: 25 Ways to Distinguish Yourself in Spanish (Translation Courtesy: Carlos Padilla)

Enjoy!

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Ways to distinguish yourself #160 – Manage your automatic subscriptions

By Rajesh Setty on Mon 14 Aug 2006, 9:16 PM - 1 Comment

At a basic level, we are all social beings – meaning we need each other to survive and thrive.

The way it typically works is that you sign up for some projects on your own and there are several of your friends that will sign you up for some projects automatically. I call these automatic subscriptions. You can’t escape from these and most important, you should not try to escape from these. They are part of life. People include you in their projects because of the kind of relationship that they have developed with you over a long period of time. They know that you won’t refuse to help – since it’s only a couple of hours of involvement per month. On your side, it seems like a deal too. Only a couple of hours per month. For a good cause, why not?

The problem comes up when you don’t actively manage these automatic subscriptions. When you need to stretch on your other projects and you really can’t take those “two hours” in a month out of your busy schedule.

Here are some reasons why this might be a problem:

(a) Volume of automatic subscriptions:

One reason will be just the sheer number of automatic subscriptions that you are part of. They can run out of control.

(b) Stretching the commitment

Initially the expectation of you may be only 3 hours per month. A couple of hours may get added as time progresses. This should still be OK but imagine the same thing being repeated on almost everyone of your automatic subscription. Things can get out of control very quickly.

(c) Mismatch of expectations

What someone thinks as 2-3 hour commitment may actually be 5-6 hour commitment (add travel, preparation time, post-meeting followups, intermediate phone calls etc.)

(d) Scheduling conflicts

If you engage in too  many of these, there may be serious scheduling conflicts leading to broken promises further leading to trust issues

I can go on but the above are sufficient to make my point – be conscious of your automatic subscriptions. Under subscription may mean that you are not available to people that are close to you and over subscription may mean that you are beating yourself to death to please everyone (except you) A balanced approach is what is required.

Note: While there is a need for balance,  I have to warn you that you need to keep getting out of balance every now and then to see how far you can stretch and grow.

Good luck!

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Note 1: Here is a Squidoo lens that links to most of the previous articles in this series:
Squidoo: Distinguish Yourself

Note 2: The first 25 entries in the series have been packaged in a ChangeThis manifesto that was published on September 07, 2005. You can download that manifesto here:
ChangeThis Manifesto: 25 Ways to Distinguish Yourself (PDF, Free)

Note 3: My latest manifesto on ChangeThis was published on August 6, 2008. This is a photographic manifesto featuring 15 of my mini sagas (stories in exactly 50 words). Here is the link:
ChangeThis Manifesto: Mini Sagas – Bite Sized Lessons for Life and Business (PDF, Free)

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Ways to distinguish yourself #159 – Know when you are lucky!

By Rajesh Setty on Sun 13 Aug 2006, 11:12 AM - 1 Comment

Luck has always been a controversial topic. There are people who believe in them and there are people who think that there is nothing like “luck” out there. Then there are people who are in the middle.

My personal stand on luck: I think there is luck but you should not depend on it. You should do whatever it takes. In the process, if you get “lucky” sometimes, it’s a bonus!

People who don’t believe in luck, subscribe to statements like:

1. “Luck is the meeting point of the opportunities that are passing by and your awareness in seeing them”

2. “The harder you work, the luckier you get”

I don’t have a problem with that. I think sometimes you do get “lucky” and those events should be attributed to luck and nothing else. By not believing in luck, you might try to explain what you did to cause this event to happen and take the credit. While that may make you feel good about yourself, that approach has many problems. Here are a few of them:

1. You are taking credit for something that you should not.

2. Trying to recreate those circumstances again may not be possible. So you may get surprised next time.

3. Other powerful people can see what “really” happened – so no point in making up

4. Extend this further and you may live in a fantasy world.

5. This might introduce some “over confidence” in your abilities

In summary, it is important for you to know when you are lucky. Personally, I have been lucky many times in the past and I hope that I will get lucky many more times in the future. When I do get lucky, I just thank GOD and I have no problems with it. Luck is a gift and we should be thankful and accept it with grace when you do get it.

Have fun!

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Note 1: Here is a Squidoo lens that links to most of the previous articles in this series:
Squidoo: Distinguish Yourself

Note 2: The first 25 entries in the series have been packaged in a ChangeThis manifesto that was published on September 07, 2005. You can download that manifesto here:
ChangeThis Manifesto: 25 Ways to Distinguish Yourself (PDF, Free)

Note 3: My latest manifesto on ChangeThis was published on August 6, 2008. This is a photographic manifesto featuring 15 of my mini sagas (stories in exactly 50 words). Here is the link:
ChangeThis Manifesto: Mini Sagas – Bite Sized Lessons for Life and Business (PDF, Free)

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Ways to distinguish yourself #158 – Avoid the dangerous trap: “Use and go”

By Rajesh Setty on Wed 09 Aug 2006, 6:00 AM - 7 Comments

During my talks, one of the question I ask is “Can you think of interacting with someone in the recent past, someone who was very nice to you until he wanted to get something out of you and once the work was complete – seems to have disappeared from the planet?”

I usually hear people say – “I can think of more than one person that fits the bill”

I follow on with another question – “What if I pose the same question to all the people that you interacted with in the last six months. Would any of them put you in this category?”

Typically there is a silence. I normally don’t expect an answer for this. It is more for people to think and reflect on how they behave. While expecting someone to behave in some way is easy, it is hard to put that thing into practice in one’s own life. This is one such case.

“Use and go” is a dangerous trap that has a very big “future opportunity cost” associated with it. Let me explain. You establish a relationship with someone with the hope of getting something done. With your charm and finesse, you get that work done and since in the near future you may not have anything to do with this person, you decide to disappear from his or her life. Not intentionally of course. You are busy and you want to invest your time where it makes most sense. From an “efficiency” point of view, it seems like a case can be made for this approach, come to think of it – it can hurt you BIG time in the long run.

Here are the reasons:

a) Any smart person will know the he or she has been “used” for your cause

b) Very rarely will the other person be “as open as before” to fulfill your requests for help. He or she may not say “No” but can come up with a great excuse as to why that may not be the “right” time for them.

c) Getting a “free ride” can become a habit for you and may hurt your other relationships

d) Most important: Any sensible person would want to protect his or her network. If this person feels that someone in their network may be taken for a “free ride” it is in the person’s best interest that he or she not connect you to anyone in their network. You have not only lost an opportunity to make any other request to this person, you ALSO LOST an opportunity to make any request to any member of this person’s network through this person.

I can go on but I think the point is already made. The cost of the “short-term advantage” you will gain by the “Use and go” attitude is not worth it.

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Note 1: Here is a Squidoo lens that links to most of the previous articles in this series:
Squidoo: Distinguish Yourself

Note 2: The first 25 entries in the series have been packaged in a ChangeThis manifesto that was published on September 07, 2005. You can download that manifesto here:
ChangeThis Manifesto: 25 Ways to Distinguish Yourself (PDF, Free)

Note 3: My latest manifesto on ChangeThis was published on August 6, 2008. This is a photographic manifesto featuring 15 of my mini sagas (stories in exactly 50 words). Here is the link:
ChangeThis Manifesto: Mini Sagas – Bite Sized Lessons for Life and Business (PDF, Free)

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Ways to distinguish yourself #157 – Pay for ideas

By Rajesh Setty on Sun 06 Aug 2006, 12:58 AM - 2 Comments

One of your close friends comes up with an idea that has the possibility of making a big impact on your future – may be in terms of money, career or any other kind of success. You may take that idea and do something about it or you may decide to pass on it. Whatever you do with the idea, one thing is clear, you have to do something to take care of your friend who brought that idea – the gift.

One way to look at it is to think that as a friend it was your friend’s “duty” to come up with ideas to help you. The other way to look at this is to genuinely thank your friend for the gift and reciprocate in some way. How about stretching this a little bit? Assume for a minute that you will “pay” (don’t get worried yet) for all good ideas that come your way. Why should ideas be free? Someone spent the time to think about you and crafted a scenario that might benefit you. If they spent any time, there is a cost associated with it. Why not bear a part of the cost?

A few years ago, one of my teachers taught me to “pay” for ideas. The world has never been the same once I started putting that into practice. What you “pay” for an idea really depends on two things – how good the idea is and what you can afford to pay at that time. If the idea was very valuable but you can’t afford to pay that value right now, how about recording an imaginary “I Owe You” for the difference and make it a point to settle it somewhere in the future?

Once you establish this appraoch in your life, there are a number of side-benefits. These side-benefits alone can cover the investments you will make by paying for ideas. Here are some of those side-benefits

a) You will start respecting people with ideas – meaning you will attract more people with good ideas into your life

b) You will give more attention to ideas – otherwise how can you really evaluate which ideas are good?

c) You will stop expecting free rides

d) You will make your friends feel more valuable

and many more..

By the way, the reciprocation need not be in terms of money. In fact, you might offend some friends if you try to pay them literally. Do whatever is appropriate for that particular case. There is no right or wrong practice – only some practices are powerful and some are not. You make the choice!

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Note 1: Here is a Squidoo lens that links to most of the previous articles in this series:
Squidoo: Distinguish Yourself

Note 2: The first 25 entries in the series have been packaged in a ChangeThis manifesto that was published on September 07, 2005. You can download that manifesto here:
ChangeThis Manifesto: 25 Ways to Distinguish Yourself (PDF, Free)

Note 3: My latest manifesto on ChangeThis was published on August 6, 2008. This is a photographic manifesto featuring 15 of my mini sagas (stories in exactly 50 words). Here is the link:
ChangeThis Manifesto: Mini Sagas – Bite Sized Lessons for Life and Business (PDF, Free)

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Ways to distinguish yourself #156 – Manage perceptions of you

By Rajesh Setty on Thu 27 Jul 2006, 3:13 PM - 4 Comments

I know you should not judge a book by its cover. People do. So if the book is good, why not spend some time to get a good cover?

I know that first impressions can be wrong. You should not judge a person just by the first impression. People do. They may not give him or her a chance to make a second impression. So if you have something of value, why not go the extra mile and create a great first impression?

They say – who you are is more important than how you are perceived. I respectfully disagree. Both are equally important. If you bring something of value to the table but don’t package it well, people may not have the time to peel the package to discover the hidden gem that is inside you. For one, they are extremely busy and they want to make split-second decisions, sometimes, even for important things. How you are perceived becomes extremely important in this time and age. If you ask me, I think one of the biggest reasons why some of the smartest people don’t get what they deserve is because they don’t know how to manage how they are perceived.

Question: What is a quick way to find out how you are perceived?

Answer: Watch how your colleagues, friends and/or family members introduce you to other people. There is a message there. You may think you are something but others may think you are something else. Watch what peoeple write about you. It may not be accurate but it is what they got about you. If who you think you are and how others are introducing you don’t match (in any way – positive or negative) you have got some work to do.

You are busy and you just want to get your work done. You may even think that if you execute your job brilliantly, perceptions will be automatically managed. I wish this was true. If it was, there wouldn’t have been so many disgruntled employees out there.

If I have to be explicit and clear, here is the quick summary:

Your job is to make promises that you can keep. Keep those promises consistently. And, don’t forget, show people that you did make and keep those promises. The last part is what most people are not comfortable. They think it is their manager’s job to figure that out. For once, let’s assume that it is your manager’s job. Why not make it easy for your manager to clearly see that you consistently make and keep your promises. We both know that your manager has other responsibilities too. Why not make it easy on him or her when it comes to you and your work. Why not walk the extra mile and leave nothing to chance?

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Ways to distinguish yourself #155 – Watch your insurance policies

By Rajesh Setty on Sun 23 Jul 2006, 12:45 PM - Leave Comment

We are always buying insurance policies. No. Not those related to your life and car. Just those simple insurance policies that will protect our ego just in case something we say doesn’t turn out the way we said it would.

Rather than talking in abstract terms, here are some examples:

You say: I have not decided what I want out of my life
Small print: You are buying an “Irresponsibility insurance.” Nobody can now blame you for not reaching your destination. If you don’t have one, how can you reach there? In fact, wherever you go, you can say that it was circumstantial and it was not where you wanted to go.

You say: I don’t know whether this will work or not
Small print: You are buying “No Accountability insurance.” In case it works you can take the credit. If it does not, you can always quote this and keep your head high.

You say: I don’t know what I want in my new job
Small print: You are buying the “No satisfaction ever insurance.” This will give you full coverage to see that whatever your job turns out to be, that is NOT what you wanted.

You say: I don’t have a plan for this one
Small print: You are buying “OK to fail insurance.” If you fail, you can say that its not because of you. If the plan was right, you would have come out in flying colors.

You say: I am just doing this for fun
Small print: Most often, you are buying “Save my ego” insurance. You are free to not put any serious effort on this and nobody will come and question you. There might also be another angle to this. If you succeed big in this effort, you can say that you succeeded albeit doing this just for fun almost posing a question – “Could you imagine where I would have been if I had taken this seriously?”

You say: I am not the only one responsible for this
Small print: You are buying “Zero accountability” insurance. If things don’t get done, you can always say that you thought someone else would be doing it.

Of course, you can come up with your own examples from your life or lives of those people that are close to you. Insurance policies are required. However, insurance policies should not cripple you. Not taking any risk may be the biggest risk that you are taking.

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Ways to distinguish yourself #154 – Never invalidate contributions

By Rajesh Setty on Wed 19 Jul 2006, 10:17 PM - 11 Comments

Imagine you are walking up the stairs. When you are almost at the top, you may think that the first few steps on these stairs are no longer useful so why not knock them off and save some space. The thought seems ridiculous, yes,  but in real-life that’s what many people do. They get a ton of contribution to their growth from several people and after sometime forget who all helped them. Then repeat the cycle with a new set of people.

I touched on this briefly when I said “Never forget any help.” How difficult would it be to forget help that you received? It’s easy especially if you don’t need that kind of help anymore. What would be worse than forgetting help? It would be to invalidate that help or contribution. Take a look at some ways of invalidating contributions of the past:

a) Anybody could have done it.
   Note: May be. May be not. But the person did do it. That’s what matters.

b) It was not a big deal after all.
   Note: Yes, when the job was complete it all looks simple. A problem for which you have a solution may not be a big problem after all.

c) If they didn’t do it I would have taken it up myself. It was easy.
   Note: Yeah Right!

d) The person was not doing anything important anyway. This kept him/her occupied for sometime.
   Note: How do you know?

e) The person also benefited from this. So it was not like it was solely for our benefit
   Note: The person knew how to leverage his time better. Shouldn’t you just worry about what benefit you got rather than worrying about whether somebody’s work “exclusively” benefited you?

f) It is not directly benefiting us
   Note: Do you know how to notice value? Are you using the right criteria to judge the person?

g) He was just doing his job
   Note: But you did get the benefit from the job. So what’s the point in not acknowledging it?

If you remember using that kind of language in the recent past, that should sound a warning bell. Remember, if you move around with people who invalidate contributions of others, it is easy for you to fall into the same trap. If you are in that group, it shouldn’t surprise you if one day you end up on the recieving end. After all, if you and the group can do it someone why won’t the rest of the group do the same to you sometime?

Never invalidate contributions. That will put you right in the middle of the commodity crowd.

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Ways to distinguish yourself #153 – Use humor right!

By Rajesh Setty on Tue 18 Jul 2006, 11:12 PM - 5 Comments

It is fun to be around people who are humorous. Right?

Wrong. “Probably” is the right answer. It all depends on what kind of humor we are talking about. Humor when not used right can simply hurt someone or make them uncomfortable.

Since humor is typically related to people, the fundamental question to always ask is:

“Are you 100% sure that the person on whom the humor is used is not offended by your comment?”

(Question courtesy: Michael Allosso)

The quick outcome of bad humor is alienation. Someone who is offended by your humor may retaliate in which case you can apologize and may be settle that matter. Alternately, the person may “write you off” and ignore you and worse he or she may not tell you that they are “ignoring” you. What is the loss for you? You would never know? Bad humor is an easy way to take a step towards losing your friends.

With that in mind, here are some basic rules to remember:

* no humor based on religion

* no humor based on gender

* no humor based on ethnicity

* no humor based on physical appearance

* no humor based on age

So what is an easy way out? The safest option I can think of is to develop an ability to laugh at yourself. We all need to take our work seriously but never take ourselves seriously.

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