What is said is important. Equally important is what is not said. If you are not noticing is “what is not said,” you might be missing a LOT more than you think you are.
To illustrate the point, I am going to use a song from one of my favorite movies “Music and Lyrics.” The song is just around 2 minutes.
Follow along with me on this experiment (meaning: don’t cheat)
First step: Listen to the 2-minute song without watching the video. Simply click on play and then close your eyes for 2 minutes. If you are too busy and can’t spare 2 minutes, please proceed to step 2 (not recommended but it works too.)
Second step: Just watch the video along with the song. This time, observe everything. Try to see the story that is being told. Try to notice why something and someone are there.
Third step: Reflect for a few seconds how much more richer the experience was when you started noticing what was left unsaid.
I have provided some of my observations to trigger your thinking. They are no way complete and you may have better interpretations than what is being told here.
Here are my observations:
0:00 The camera pans through the entire room giving you an idea of where this is happening. The setting is that of a large party hall in a hotel room.
0:05 There is a banner to show that it’s a class of ‘87 Reunion. So, we know that it’s the get-together of a tribe.
0:10 You see a bunch of women cheering Hugh Grant. There is absolutely no men around that place. Shows that he is popular among women.
0:30 You see a name badge on one of the women confirming again that they are all part of a tribe.
0:35 You see “1987″ in big fonts in the background reminding you again that it’s a class reunion of ‘87.
0:38 You see so many women wearing a POP! t-shirt – showing how crazy they are on something POP! ( It’s a popular band in the 80s in the movie)
0:50 Shows a bunch of really bored men. They probably wanted this song to end right away. Making it clear again that Hugh’s target audience is women ONLY.
0:52 Shows Hugh’s Manager imitating Hugh’s dance and is totally engaged with what’s happening. Indicates special relationship between the two.
1:05 Half way through the song, two women enter. Drew Barrymore and her sister. From the expression on her sister’s face, you know that she is a huge fan of Hugh Grant.
1:20 Drew Barrymore’s sister can’t wait to get in front of the line and runs. Shows that she is not just one of those fans but someone that adores Hugh
1:24 Drew Barrymore shakes her head in disbelief. Shows that she is really not into all this now ( at leas at that time )
1:51 Drew Barrymore shows from her smile that she does think Hugh and his dance are cute.
2:00 Hugh’s Manager is imitating (or giving a cue to Hugh) Hugh’s dance moves. Shows that he is more than a Manager – he is more like a friend invested in Hugh’s success
2:06 Hugh hurts his back during his dance moves. Gives a clue about his age.
2:32 Hugh’s Manager steps out with a clear concern for Hugh. Shows the level of friendship there again.
Last but not least, I have to say that there is a lot of thought that has gone into making this song. So every little thing that happens has a meaning attached to it.
In a business situation, this may not be the case but the need for noticing what is left unsaid will not go away.
Everyone can hear what is said, only a few will notice and powerfully interpret “what is left unsaid.”
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Note 1: Here is a Squidoo lens that links to most of the previous articles in this series:
We don’t have a choice but to take a “leap of faith” when the data is limited to make a good assessment of the situation that leads to a rational decision [ For those smart types - not making a decision is making a decision ]
Actually, at some level the data is always insufficient for any major decision. So there is some “leap of faith” in any decision making.
Taking “leaps of faith” is so common and pervasive that sometimes you forget to notice it.
Why should you be aware of this?
Simply because you have benefited from someone taking a “leap of faith” on you (several times) until now. And, you will continue to benefit from others taking a “leap of faith” on you (several times) moving forward.
Reflecting on my own situation, I have been a beneficiary of this multiple times. Here are a few that I can share:
1. When I wrote my first book (a murder mystery) I was ten years old and shopped it like crazy for three years and got rejected more than hundred times. Everything seemed hopeless. Then, three years later when I was thirteen, two people (their names are G.Prakash and Nataraj Choudhury) took a “leap of faith” and said “Yes” to publishing the book.
2. When my first ever startup dream was shattered in 1992 and I was desperately looking for job, things seemed hopeless. I didn’t have the software background but was willing to learn. The future looked bleak. Then, someone (his name is Sridhar) too a “leap of faith” and said “Yes” to hiring me.
3. It was 1997 and Kavitha and I decided to come to United States. I had several interviews for a position in a Consulting company. The final interview was a super-technical one where I could not answer a couple of questions on setting distributed Oracle databases. The interviewer recommended that I should not be hired. So I thought it was over. But then, God had other plans. Someone (his name is Alok Khare, my Boss in two separate companies) took a “leap of faith” and hired me.
4. It was 1998 and I had never managed a large Vantive (a CRM product then, now part of Oracle) implementation before. Neither had I worked on a Vantive project until that time. We got a new project from Lincoln Telephone Company and then someone (his name is Bill Morton) took a “leap of faith” and made me lead that project. It worked out fine as we completed the project a week before the deadline.
5. More recently, in 2005, I wrote my first business book “Beyond Code.” My last book before that was published in 1987 (eighteen years ago) and I had never written anything serious in the recent past. I worked hard on the book for more than a year and I passionately believed in what I had written. I had put my heart into it. It was not easy to get to the finish line. And then, someone (this time, one of my heroes, Tom Peters) took a “leap of faith” in me and wrote the Foreword for the book. That meant the world to me. I never had to look back after the publication of that book.
I can go on and in each and every case, if the people above had taken a rational approach and looked for “history of accomplishments” as proof, I would have lost. Instead, they decided to take a “leap of faith” and that made a world of difference in where I am (and what I am doing) today.
These are special people and I thank them and many others who took a “leap of faith” on me.
If you think about it in your own life, you will notice that you will have a set of people who took a “leap of faith” on you. They are special people. Take time to thank them.
If I have one wish for you, it will be that you find more people that will take a “leap of faith” on you.
If I have one request for you, it will be that you take “leaps of faith” on a few people that truly deserve it.
Last week, I had an opportunity to introduce one of my mentors Yakov Soloveychik to some of the people that I mentor. It was an honor and a privilege. I was explaining to the group that every time I meet Yakov I come back with something that I had not thought about. Every meeting was insightful and even if I had no questions before the meeting, I would come back with answers for the questions I should have had.
This was not a coaching session by any means but Yakov has insights to share ALL the time.
He mentioned to the group that when he meets with his CEO clients, he focuses on what comes before the “because,” because “because” is the cause of many problems.
The CEOs might say something like:
I can’t hire a new salesperson because…
I can’t fire the existing salesperson because…
I can’t increase the revenues because…
What comes after the word “because” is a story that the CEO has been telling himself (or herself) and the story is so convincing that he or she does not have to think about alternatives.
When you focus on what comes before “because” and ignore what comes after “because” for a short while, we have room to play with. There is an open space to dance. There is a new possibility. We are not captivated by the earlier story. We have an opening to tell a new story.
Over to you now.
Is there a “because..” that is bothering you. May be it’s time to revisit and focus on what comes before that “because.”
The general tendency is to build. create, publish or ship.
However, without a solid foundation whatever you build, create, publish or ship won’t get far.
You cannot NOT have a foundation. You have one. It is your sum total of your history, accomplishments, relationships and your contributions to start with. Whatever you build is on top of this foundation.
You have a sound foundation and you get better results for your creation.
You have a weak foundation and you get weak results for your creation.
You have a mediocre foundation and you get mediocre results for your creation.
The foundation has a HUGE influence on whatever you do.
And…
You can do something about it.
You can renew, re-invent and re-work on your foundation starting today. You can lay a new foundation starting today.
In fact, that should be an ongoing activity in parallel to whatever you are creating – always strengthening and upgrading your foundation.
Your foundation is your leverage engine.
Have you wondered how some people seem to get a LOT done in a single day?
You can learn a lot by observing under what foundation they are operating. You look back on how they progressed in their life and career and you will notice a strong slant towards (implicitly in many cases) to build a strong foundation.
Go ahead and set aside some time to work on your new foundation and let the magic begin.
You are typically nervous and you want to put on a good show. You are well prepared and you have rehearsed it a number of times and you know that your reputation is online. You know that people will make assessments about you and your capacity based on how you perform. You know that what you say is important and can make a difference in how they view you when you come on stage the next time.
So, in summary:
* You prepare well
* You are a bit nervous (generally, I am not talking about professional speakers who are speaking 200 times in a year)
* You care for your audience
* You give it your best shot and hope to exceed the expectations
* You are happy when you do a good job and get great reviews.
If you think about it, with all the social networks and social media, you are always on the stage. Just that you are not there physically in front of a crowd. But all other rules apply. The same risks and same opportunities exist as if you were there on a stage in-person.
However, you don’t give it the same importance as if you were on a “real” stage.
Why?
Simply because you don’t get a “visual” feedback about how the audience is receiving what you are sending. In “real life stage experience” if you are not interesting, all people can do is ignore you and focus on their Blackberry to take care of their things. You get a visual feedback on the interest level.
On social media, if you are not interesting, what do people do, they just click through to the next thing that is interesting. You can get some feedback on that based on how much time that they have spent on what you have shared. However, you don’t really get all the feedback as some of them may never come back and also don’t bother to say anything about how they were not “satisfied” with the return they are getting from spending time on what you have shared.
They are just gone. Vanished.
Actually, forget about social media. Let me take it to the next level. When you send your next email you are on a stage. The same rules apply there too.
So, the thing to remember is simply this:
Whatever you share and however you share it, there is a cost of consumption for the reader. If that cost is not justified, you are history – sooner than later.
You are expecting a friend and a door bell rings. You open the door and there is a skeleton standing at your door. When you look at it with horror in your eyes, the skeleton smiles and looks at you in anticipation that you will invite it inside your home.
What will you do?
Just kidding.. I hope that you will never have to face that situation ever in your life.
But.. there is a different kind of skeletons that you can’t avoid.
These are skeletons that arrive in your email. They are half-baked ideas, garbled messages, meaningless copies and general blah blahs. Some of them are so bad that you can instantly recognize them as skeletons. Some others have a coat and shirt on but they are simply skeletons that are well-dressed. There is no flesh and blood in them.
Skeletons waste time, energy and money.
Many people who ship those skeletons out don’t know that they are shipping skeletons. It is your responsibility to coach people and ensure that you are not on the receiving end.
Wait.. we are not done yet.
Look at your own “Sent Items” in your email box. Think carefully and see how many skeletons you have shipped out since last week. If you have shipped none, congratulations. You have save many people from the horror of seeing a skeleton in their email box.
On the other hand, if you have shipped skeletons, take some time to revise those emails and resend them with an apology.
You don’t want to see a skeleton, neither your friends, partners or customers.
Note: Just being nice is not a clever substitute to being truly valuable. You need to be both. So, please don’t take this to an extreme [ Please refer: Just being NICE is not enough]
I still remember that conversation with Tim Sanders (who is one of the nicest people I have met anyway) several years ago. He said, “nice guys finish first.” This was probably in 2003 or 2004. I didn’t get that at that time. But the concept intrigued me and I observed time and again that nice people win BIG TIME in the long run. So this was part of my mini-research (less than 6 weeks) and I am happy to present the outcome of my research in this blog post.
If you enjoyed the outcome of my research, please consider sending this to someone nice and make their day. We need them to continue to be nice make this world a better place!!!!!
So, let us start with the basic premise:
In many ways, just like water finds its level, people find tribes that they are comfortable with. These tribes change with time but generally most people within a tribe are at the same level when it comes to the “capacity to perform in the marketplace.” When people with similar capacities are in a tribe, there is a “flow.” When there is an inconsistency or a frequency mis-match, the person who seems out of place tries to disengage from the tribe voluntarily or involuntarily.
It is a not a good thing or a bad thing – as over a period of time, the tribe in general evolves and the tribe settles to a particular “capacity to perform” range.
So, if you don’t do anything you will just drift along with the tribe to higher levels of “capacity to perform” in the marketplace. You can attribute that to “progress” or “experience” or whatever you want to call it.
However you view it, you will find yourself in that range of “capacity to perform” simply because the conversations you are having on a daily basis have a huge influence on your actions and the tribe determines the nature of those daily conversations.
It is hard to jump to the next tribe even if you want to. Why?
1. You will feel out of place
2. The tribe will not know how to deal with you as they have to change the “frequency” and “type” of conversations with you.
3. There is no incentive for the higher level tribe to accommodate you.
Now, this is very the magic happens for super-nice (and smart) people.
They make an exception by getting a seat in the next level tribe earlier than not-so-nice people.
The higher level tribe makes an exception too. They go out of the way to accommodate super-nice people who can potentially add value in the future. They are willing to invest in bringing you up to their level.
This is where you have an unfair advantage. In a crude way, you jump the queue to belong to the next-level-tribe quicker.
Let us just think for a minute what happens when you get access to the next level tribe earlier than your peers.
First, your conversations change as you will have different
Second, your conversations will start raising your level of awareness on topics that are “obvious” or “background knowledge” for tribes at a higher level
Third, Based on this new awareness and you start becoming more comfortable to having more such conversations and more importantly your “actions” will change.
Fourth, Your “results” will start to change and will start reflecting the results of the people in the higher level tribe.
Fifth, Soon you will be VERY comfortable belonging in the higher level tribe.
Sixth, After a while you simply become a member of this new tribe without even knowing that you jumped the queue.
OK I can go on..but you get the point. Continue to be super-nice and valuable and you will start jumping the queue and getting into next level tribes faster than people who are super-nice. [Also Refer: Ways to Distinguish Yourself #10 - Pursue Right Memberships]
In the short-term, where someone who is NOT super-nice (A) and someone who is super-nice (B) reach in their careers is not very different. So you may not notice the advantage of being super-nice. But five or ten years from now, where A and B have reached is very different. The person who is super-nice is far ahead of the other person. This is precisely the reason I said – nice people will win BIG in the long run.
I am sure you are all nice people. So the request is for you to be continue to be nice and NOT give up on it. In the short-term you may not see a difference but in the long run, you have an unfair competitive advantage to win BIG.
P.P.S: If you want to learn more about Tribes, please read “Tribes” by Seth Godin. It’s more about leading a tribe but a lot of it applies to belonging a tribe too.
Deciding on something or looking for proof for something that you have decided are not the same. They may appear to be the same but they are not.
When you are deciding on something, you are not biased on one or the other way. You want to take all the information available on choices that have made the final list and then make an informed decision.
When you are looking for proof, you have an emotional affinity towards a particular choice. In your heart, you want to make THAT choice and nothing else. You can call it your gut feeling, your preference, your love or it may simply be that the other choices are “not convenient” for you at this point in time. Whatever be the reason, you will now start “looking for proof” to support your preferred choice.
When you are looking for proof but are behaving as if you are deciding, you are confusing everyone involved and also cheating yourself. You start engaging in what might be called “selective hearing” – meaning you will hear what you want to hear and ignore the rest.
If your preferred option is the right option to take, there is no harm done. But if that’s not the right option, you get hit twice. First, because you didn’t give enough attention to find the right option and second, because you now have a skewed opinion about how “right” your preferred option is. You now have a newfound confidence about your choice albeit not very well grounded.
You don’t have to do anything radical to get out of this mindset. Being aware of this mindset will get you out of trouble most of the time. You will start catching yourself when you disproportionately favor a particular solution for your dilemma.
Most ideas wither and wilt in the marketplace. Some ideas take off brilliantly and become ultra-popular. Like any adoption curve, some people get it quickly (early adopters) but most people will wait for the ideas to get baked and time-tested before they jump in to embrace them.
Both (early adopters and late adopters) have their own advantages and disadvantages.
Early adopters might get a “hit” as they are always trying new things. However, since not all of them are “hits,” they might also end up going in circles.
Late adopters have a better chance of succeeding as they follow time-tested methods. However, they have lost the “hit advantage” enjoyed by early adopters
This article is specifically focused on late adopters of ultra-popular stuff. If you are one of them, you need to avoid “the curse of the ultra-popular.”
The curse is simply that once something becomes ultra-popular, there is no premium paid for learning it. The marketplace does not provide you “special status” for knowing the ultra-popular. After sometime, the ultra-popular is nothing more than table stakes.
Being aware or this is avoiding the curse as you don’t expect a “premium” for learning the ultra-popular. Your expectations are in order.
If you are not aware, you will end up expecting a premium for your investment in learning the ultra-popular and when you don’t get it, you are heart-broken.
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